The Long Road to Quality

By Rick Moranis ( Op-Ed ) 449 words

Dear Mom,

By the time you get this letter, the Nasdaq may be a thing of the past, and I wanted to ease your worries by telling you that I have sold all of my technology holdings. I believe we may be entering a bear cycle, so I have liquidated all my positions in MSFT, JDSU, LSI and countless other equities in the wildly overvalued tech sector. Needless to say, I'll be owing some taxes on the profits in these stocks, but Uncle Morty thinks that by offsetting some of the losses in our collapsing I.P.O. ventures, we may be able to minimize our exposure at least until April '01 and by then, well, who knows, right?

I've also sold my computer, which sort of explains why this letter looks the way it does. And my V.C.R., DVD, CD's, CD-ROM's, my S.U.V., Josh's BMX (who needs such a flashy bike anyway?) and all of the appliances in the apartment. I'm leaving tomorrow by horse and carriage (or HNC, as the kids call it) for Concord, N.H., where I have located a fine working loom. I guess you can't really get any more old economy than that, huh Ma?

I should be back by June, weather permitting, and then I'll begin weaving a prayer shawl for Ariel's bat mitzvah. It's so cute to see her practicing her Torah portion by candlelight. Just as it should be, don't you think?

Don't worry yourself, Ma. This is my own personal flight to quality. It's something I've wanted deeply for a long time. Day trading was a drug I couldn't shake. Getting up at 3 a.m. for the foreign markets, napping for a few hours after New York closed, hardly ever seeing daylight. No, Ma, I think it's time to get back to the land. The kids don't even mind not having a toaster. It's really fun to grow your own lettuce and cook on an open hot plate.

There they are now. I can hear them coming up the stairs. We all feel that elevator technology is just too risky these days, Ma. And now that we're not using it, I don't feel any obligation to volunteer my services when the building workers go on strike this week. Besides, I'll be on my way to pick up that loom. Do you think I should put the E-Z Pass on the horse or the carriage?
Love ya,
(formerly hedgedad)