To-Do List for Surviving the Dubya Years
Stock up on Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Learn the names of wrestlers.
Put O'Reilly book on coffee table.
Start collecting "Dogs Playing Cards" paintings.
Write letter supporting plan to convert abortion clinics to banjo clinics.
Find out who flies to Dollywood.
Meet with accountant to discuss new Barbecue Tax Credit for purchases over
Buy new barbecue.
Start calling children Rachel-Jo and Junior.
Practice using regionally influenced conversational similes till I'm smoother
than a desert snake's belly.
Download evolutionary biology syllabus from www.bobjones.edu.
Throw out sun block.
Write letter condemning Clinton plan to give Chappaqua to Palestinians.
Become standoffish with gay friends.
Buy new ergonomically designed cork-handled 6-foot graphite fishing rod
with ceramic guides and tri-bearing aluminum reel specially designed to
alleviate wrist fatigue (tell Junior to keep reminding me to use other
hand for drinking).
Change smoke alarm batteries in bomb shelter.
Misspell Barbara Striseand.
Have mechanic remove catalytic converter from El Camino.
Salvage olive green- and brown-colored clothing by tie-dyeing them camouflage.
See if cowboy boots fit (should be in storage locker with mechanical bull).
Reconsider wearing fur.
Check Ebay for attractive spittoon.
Stop henceforth checking addition on all hotel, restaurant and car rental
bills from Florida vacations.
Remember that Elvis is "The King"--not Miles Davis.
Cease and desist all recycling.
By RICK MORANIS
January 22, 2001
Los Angeles Times
Rick Moranis Is a Writer and Actor