By RICK MORANIS
Published: October 3, 2005
Subject: look at the time! - can't sleep
Date: 10/03/2005 3:24 a.m. eastern daylight time
Dear Micki and Stan,
I've decided that we will not be coming to Shelley's wedding in December. (By the way, congratulations again on this wonderful event in your lives. You should be very proud and happy with how terrifically things have turned out.) Unfortunately for us, a wedding in Westport would require non-essential driving and I must honor President Bush's wishes to limit the amount of energy I consume in order to do my part during these difficult and challenging times for our country.
I realize that if all of your guests felt the same way, there would be tremendous consequences for many decent, hard-working people. The tuxedo-rental industry, the caterers, waiters, musicians, florists and table linen people would all lose important income. But when I think of the energy saved in dry cleaning alone, it warms my heart to think I can help make a difference with a personal commitment against wasteful consumption and reckless indulgence in our sick culture.
Needless to say, we'll be with you in spirit and a handsome gift will be sent.
On that note, I've looked at all of Shelley and Michael's bridal registry sites on line and though I think their china pattern is absolutely gorgeous, I'm reluctant to go in that direction because it will involve delivery by one of the nation's leading shipping companies. That kind of non-essential driving is problematic for me at this time, especially given the low gas mileage those trucks undoubtedly get.
I'd appreciate the wiring instructions to the appropriate bank account so I can electronically transfer energy-free funds directly. I'll leave it up to their discretion how to spend, or donate, said monies.
Things are good here, thank God. We had a marvelous summer. The addition finally got finished in Sagaponack. You must plan to come out one weekend. Other than the traffic, it's pure heaven. To think I had the foresight to buy so long before the bubble. And to stay north of the highway, far from any potential beach erosion and the inevitable future storm consequences.
Have to admit I feel a bit guilty heating and cooling a 12,560-square-foot second home, but this winter we're letting Juan and Maria stay in the main house while the gatehouse is being steel-reinforced and rewired for the property's new security system.
To think I was the first person to have a solar pool cover!
Like everyone else, I'm so concerned about the state of the world. I so want to believe the war is important and I think I still do. I'm very worried about the polar ice cap. We didn't get all the way up there on our Alaska cruise but I hear it's melting big-time.
One thing puzzles me the most. Why has no one come out against auto racing? Every weekend in this county, millions of people get in their silly souped-up cars and drive to huge stadiums to watch other people drive around in circles at ridiculously high speeds. There's no way those race cars are fuel-efficient.
Anyway, congratulations again. Let me know if you ever decide to not drive into the city to use your opera subscription.
P.S. Did I tell you I'm getting a gun?
Rick Moranis, the creator of rickmoranis.com, has released a country music album, "The Agoraphobic Cowboy."